Meet Smiley Susan

Never trust true horse people, they will be the craziest people you ever meet.
Except for myself and 2 other riders I know. Everyone else is a complete nut.

I think that it's because of the time that horseback riding eats up, so unless you're a horseback rider sharing a horse with another (crazy) person, you might also be in it because it consumes your time and you life. For example, let me tell you about Smiley Susan.

Smiley Susan is a horse owner at my farm, she owns a horse named Raven and has no idea how to ride. Smiley got the nickname because she walks around with a ghostly, eerie smile on her face, wearing children's riding pants and has tried to "whisper" to her horse for over a year. I asked her if Raven responds to the whispering, and she said "his soul does. I can sense the difference."

Smiley is a veterinarian in Dundas who has 2 German Shepherds. She brings them to the farm and they've both attacked children. When my coach asked her to keep her dogs away, she said that they were her children, and would he be comfortable with someone asking him to keep his children away. Children don't usually knock people down growling and attempt to bite their face off (though some do).

Poor Smiley is the most neurotic horse owner I've ever come across. She goes to the farm 2-3 times a day to scrub Raven's bucket in fear that her piece of cattle would eat some dust which would potentially infiltrate his digestive system and kill him. Me, being the smartass that I am, asked her how horses survive in the wild with things like rocks and trees and she said "those are other horses, poor Raven wouldn't be able to, that's why we found each other."

One time shortly after Smiley came to our farm, I was riding our stallion named Clown who is very interested in meeting new horses, because the only time that he meets new horses is when he gets to breed. Keeping in mind that Clown's ongoing production of testosterone makes him 2-3 times stronger than other horses, she walks right up to me, Raven in hand, and says that he needs to meet every horse in the stable so that he's comfortable. I began turning Clown away and trotting, telling her (THE VET) that he was a stallion and therefore socially unable, she began running after me ON FOOT trying to get Raven to meet Clown. Needless to say, it lasted about 18 seconds and then Clown tried to kick Raven in the head with his hoof. Instead, he missed Raven and barely missed Smiley. She walked away to help Raven meet the other horses.

This is only one of the 38 horse owners at my farm. If you want more crazy horse people stories, let me know!